Growing up...

I've learned a lot of things since I started at hospice. It's the kind of job that changes your life. It's definitely relaxed me a lot more in that I realize that not everything it going to be perfect. With hospice there isn't one thing that goes as you expect it to go and you really have to learn to go with the flow. It's weird. I look back at where I've come from. If I were to bump into someone from high school they would really not recognize the person that I am. In high school I was loud and obnoxious. I liked to test the limits on everything, especially my parents nerves. I used to do things without thinking of the repercussions, say things without caring about how it made the other person feel and did pretty much anything I wanted. Now, I double think...wait...triple think everything, am overly sensitive to what comes out of my mouth and I really think about each step that I make. I don't know if it's the social worker in me and the education behind me or if I just grew up. I'm assuming it's a little of both. Sometimes I wonder what high school would have been like if I was like this back then. I wonder if I would have hated it as much as I did. I am finally at a point in my life where I can feel happy with the decisions and changes that I have made. When I look around and really take in all that I have accomplished and what was set forth for me in high school (the high school advisor who told me that I wouldn't make it at a community college) I feel very blessed. I feel blessed to have such a loving family, friends, an amazing husband and a career that makes me proud to be me.

Life is Precious...

I've been in a weird mood all week. I have a patient on service that has been with us since way before I started and her husband came on service this week. I didn't think it would bother me, but it's the first person that has hit a chord with me. I don't know if it's because their house reminds me of my oma and opa's. Or, maybe he just reminds me of my opa in general. Regardless, it's the first time I've seen real suffering in someone who is of sound mind and someone with whom I have a real rapport with. I see the fear in his son's eyes and it just hits home. I have no idea what it is like to help a parent or loved one in their last months, weeks, or even days of life, but I do know the fear and uncertainty that comes with a cancer diagnosis and the impact it can have on a family. My heart really goes out to this family. It makes me look at my own family and my own life and see just how precious life is. It makes me sad that I am so far away from my family. I don't want to miss their birthdays, family dinners and smiles.

Give someone you love a big hug and kiss. I know I will when my husband walks through the door tonight.